


It Will Be

by TempusNoKitsune



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-08
Updated: 2014-11-08
Packaged: 2018-02-24 13:28:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2583113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TempusNoKitsune/pseuds/TempusNoKitsune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It seemed so difficult, so hard to just make a reality. Then he did. But, maybe that wasn't the best idea. To leave behind something that was so amazing. Something that he had gotten so lucky to have. That dirty mouthed, incredibly smart, amazing, creative, thing. (Warning: Strong Language and potential triggers w/fluff).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It Will Be

He was flying. Soaring through the air. Arms wide out, hair wind blown, eyes watering slightly. Above him was a clear sky. Bright blue with only small, cotton-like clouds. The sun was shining brilliantly, loudly to his sensitive eyes. Slight shivers ran up his spine as wind blew past exposed skin. Hastening air pulling at the scabs on his lightly tanned skin, a dull sting burning into his nerves.

A small, warm, trickle of blood running quickly up his arm, his neck, his ankles. Warmed flannel pressed up against his back. A distinct lack of the dog tags he usually wore sending a sharp stab of pain through his chest, remembering just where they were. This was bad...no...this was better…

It had seemed to take forever. To take that last step. The shining edge offering all that he needed, easily. His head screaming at him. His body wearing down despite all odds. His smile betraying the people closest to him. Forcing his hands not to shake as he gave away his heart.

_I’m sorry? I’m not sure. I want to say you’re welcome. You can remember me if you want to, but I know that this is better. You’re better. It’s okay. It’s good. It will be._

Baby blues slipped closed, the right corner of chapped lips turning up slightly. _I’m flying, just like you. It’s freeing, just like you said._

_I love you._ **  
**

 

…

Electric blue eyes, worn from lack of sleep, and constant staring at bright screens for hours on end, scanned the living room. Surprised to find the area empty, the owner of said eyes wandered around, head popping into each room shortly. Moving slowly, calmly, comfortably, dog tags hitting his chest with each step.

Eyes narrowed slightly after making a full round of the floor. No one else was there, and that was unusual. Wrong. Something was wrong. He slid onto one of the bar stools, leaning forward on his elbows.

He had a weird feeling. He hated weird feelings because he couldn’t explain them. But he was having a weird feeling moment, and not like a good weird feeling, like a bad one.  Like a, now-he’s-going-to-be-sick, weird feeling. Like a, my-chest-is-hurting, I’m-feeling-nauseous, am-I-having-an-anxiety-attack-or-something-?, weird feeling.

And then his eyes focused on the balcony. The balcony where only one vaguely familiar shoe was sitting alone by the edge. No, not vaguely familiar, that was very familiar. He had bought that shoe because he had complained about the lack of casual shoe wear...of his boyfriend. His boyfriend, who was oddly not present.

Almost immediately he was scrambling to his feet, his heart rate increasing rapidly. He ran over to the balcony, pushing hastily through the doors.

“JARVIS!?”

“...yes, sir...” Conformation.

He threw himself at the edge, the railing digging into his stomach. And there was his boyfriend, eyes closed, nearing the ground, soaring through the air. No, not soaring...falling.

He let out a short, choked noise, and without thinking, pushed himself over the railing. Sirens went off in his head, but he didn’t care. It didn’t matter.  His heart had just jumped off a building.

Within seconds he was surrounded by red and gold armor and accelerating as quickly as he could. He reached out. .52 seconds and they'll hit the ground. His arms quickly, harshly, too-tightly, wrapped around the falling body -pulling up at just the last second.

His flying was sporadic, unfocused, but he managed to land them back on the balcony with minimal damage. He reached up, and wrenched off the faceplate.

“Steve you fucking idiot!”

…

His body jolted as metal arms encompassed his body, startling his eyes open. He let out a short groan of pain -well, more surprise than pain, he was a super soldier after all- as he was dropped onto the cold balcony, now staring up not into the blue of the sky, but into the blue of wrecked, watery, eyes.

“Steve you fucking idiot!”

A hand was fisted in his shirt, the familiar smell of grease and coffee paired with ridiculously expensive care products assaulting his nose. He just kind of sat there, blinking at the face in front of him in a shock-like state. The hand shook him roughly, the man's teeth gritting together like he was getting ready to growl.

“Why didn’t you say something!?”

His head hit the flooring with a shallow thunk as he was pushed back, not fighting against the man above him. And that sound, that was a sob. A sob that sounded painful, like someone had ripped it from the man’s chest against his will.

“Damn you! Why didn’t you just say something!?”

And then those eyes were staring back into his again as he was hauled back up into a sitting position, limp like a rag doll.

“Say something God damnit!”

“...Tony?”

“Fucking yes?”

“Why did you-?”

“What the hell do you mean why?! Like I’m going to let you die? Fucking hell no! I’m not going to lose you Steve! Contrary to popular fucking belief, I actually do have feeling. Oh, and you know, a fucking heart -which I gave to you by the way. So, like throwing yourself off a building is going to be okay, like: oh yeah Steve? He jumped off a fucking building. What? No, it’s okay. I’m just fucking dandy thank you very much. No, ha,.I never loved him so much that  I couldn’t stop thinking about him, that I wanted to wake up next to him every morning for the rest of my life, and have him pull me out of my workshop because I haven’t eaten or gotten enough sleep. That I wanted to snuggle with him on our couch, hold his hand when we’re together, take him out to the nicest restaurants and the dives that remind him of the 40’s. Like I wouldn’t do fucking anything in the whole fucking world for him, because he is my world, and if I lost him I would probably fucking die!” The rant dipped of with something of a surprised sob, anger giving way to tears that were unwelcomed by the person they belonged to, the dark haired head bowing forward.

He blinked a few times, then noticed his own cheeks were wet with tears, his mouth slowly curving up into a sad smile. He tentatively placed his hands on Tony’s arms, skimming them slowly up until he had his arms encircled around the mans chest, and tugged him forward.

“I love you too.” It came out broken, wavering.

“Shut up.” Was muffled against his shoulder. “You fucking liar.”

“Tony…” The other man tried to pull back, but he tightened his grip slightly, only allowing the other enough room to look into his eyes. “I’m not lying.”

“You jumped of a building Steve. My building.”

“I gave you my dogtags.”

“You tried to fucking kill yourself.”

His brow furrowed slightly in confusion. “That doesn't mean I don’t love you.”

“Really? Because I think killing yourself to get away from someone is a damn big blinking neon sign saying I DON’T LIKE YOU.”

“I wasn’t…”

“You weren’t what Steve?” The genius bit out.

“I wasn’t trying to get away from you...I was trying to get away from myself...to...to get rid of myself. I don’t belong here...I don’t...I shouldn’t be here, I don’t do anything worth being alive here...I just...I pull others down…”

“Fucking...Steve.” Rough hands came up on either side of his face, baby blues locking with electric. “No. You might have not been meant to be here, but that doesn't mean we don’t need you. You...fuck...you bring our team together, you-you’re  all nice and sassy and official ,and Steve, if anyone pulls anyone down it’s me-us pulling you.”

“Tony…”

“I’m serious Steve.”

He took in a deep breath only to have it cut off by a pair of slightly chapped lips, a beard scratching lightly around his mouth. He let his eyes slip closed, shoulders slumping as he resigned himself to Tony. The kiss only lasted a few seconds more, but it was calming, it was a stabilizer.

“I know I’m not the best with feelings, but you should have just talked to me Steve. I’m not a big fan of...you know, I mean you know the best, but...this, this is huge. Steve, this is bigger than huge.”

“I...I know…”

“You don’t, but we’re not going to talk about it right now okay? Because I don’t know about you, but I’m already fucking exhausted. So, I’m going to get food and we’re going to snuggle on my big, fluffy couch, and watch some stupid cliched movie, because screw me if I’m going to do anything besides just enjoying my boyfriend after what just happened.”

His mouth twitched up slightly. “Yeah..okay. But, Tony?”

“Yeah?”

“Take off the suit, it makes it hard to cuddle with you.”

“But I like the suit.”

“Which do you like more?”

“I’m not going to answer that question for the better judgment of keeping my manhood in tact.”

Steve let out a short laugh. “Okay, fine. I  guess you’ll be watching that movie alone then. “

“Steeeeeveeeeeee!”

The grin that had formed on his face slowly dropped, giving way to a more serious expression. “I’m sorry…”

“What?”

“I would have missed you too much.”

Tony’s eyes fell to his chest.

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, well. We’re even Steve, okay? I’ve done stupid stuff, and now you’ve done an immensely stupid thing. So, we’re even. But next time, lets not do any stupid stuff. I’d rather just have you here with me.”

“Yeah. Okay Tony. I- okay.”

“Alright so…” The dark haired man pushed up, his metal boots clanking against the balcony. “Let’s eat!”

He let out a soft chuckle, slowly pushing himself up to his feet, and following his boyfriend inside. “Love you too Tony…” _I love you so much. I’m sorry I even thought about leaving you._


	2. I Want To [Epilogue]

“Tony?”

“Hm?”

“Where are you?”

“Workshop.”

“Don’t lie. I don’t see you...JARVIS can you turn the lights up?”

“I’m sorry master Rogers, but sir has instructed me not to do so.”

“What? Tony…”

The mechanic's voice sounded over the speakers once again. “One, I didn’t lie. Two, just wait a second, it’s not like I’m going to blow you up or anything. At least, I don’t think I am…”

“That’s reassuring.”

“I live to make others comfortable.”

“Mhm.” He folded his arms across his chest, but stayed where he was. His boyfriend may be strange, but he was a good strange, the kind that usually ended for the better despite his own conclusions.

“Don’t doubt me Steve.”

“I never do.” That comment only received silence, as to be expected. He walked forward a bit, hesitantly. The workshop was completely dark, save for the odd small red or blue light that showed that though the room seemed to have all power off it was really still buzzing around him. He scanned the room, trying to adjust to the darkness and hopefully catch a glimpse of his boyfriend, but no. How could Tony even work like this?

“Alright, prepare to be amazed.”

One of his eyebrows arched.

“You prepared Steve?”

He rolled his eyes with a kind of exasperated fondness. “Yes Tony.”

“”K. Here. We. Go.” With a short strained sound the power flicked on to reveal two new Iron man suits. But one was…

“Tony...did you…?”

“Make you an Iron-Cap?”

“Yes?”

“Yes.”

“Tony.”

“I know.”

“What am I going to do with an Iron...Cap suit?”

“I know-wait...what?”

His mouth tilted up in a fond smile. “What am I going to do with that suit Tony?”

“Wear it?”

“Tony.”

“Well I mean, I know it’s like, not your thing. But I kind of figured, y’know, you should be able to fly, or at least be more protected than you are by that stretchy suit. Not that I’m saying get rid of the suit, because that thing is really fucking hot. No, I just thought maybe it’d be, I don’t know, but it’s lighter. Lighter than the other suits, than my suit , for better mobility, and land usage. I mean-”

“Tony.”

“--wouldn’t want you having trouble moving or anything ‘cause-”

“Tony.”

“--super soldier, and y’know that’s-”

“I love you too Tony.”

The geniuses mouth snapped shut at that, his eyes faltering, moving between Steve and the ground. He just continued to smile, slowly making his way over to Tony, then  placing one hand on his shoulder, the other settling on his waist. He leaned forward a bit, making sure to make eye contact with Tony just before pressing their lips together.  Sweet.

He pulled back slowly. “You know you could have just taken me out to dinner.”

“No, we go out to dinner at least once a week. I wanted to do something special.”

“Tony, the dinners are special.”

“Well yeah, but I mean like, more special.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay.”

“You’re not going to fight with me?”

“No Tony.”

“Ooookaaaayyyy…but you don’t like it.”

“I love it.”

“But-”

“It’s very you Tony, and that’s special.”

“...extra special?”

He let out a small breath of laughter, his smile growing as Tony’s did. “Yes. Exceedingly special.”

“Exceedingly. Fantastically. Amazingly-”

“Tony.”

“Exactly.”

He rolled his eyes and snorted. “Why did you want to do something special Tony?”

One of Tony’s hands drifted from where it had come to rest on his shoulder to his neck. Calloused fingers brushing gently at the would-be scarred base, just beneath his hair. He fought to keep his eyes on Tony’s own as he thought about the last time he had ripped that skin open.

“You…” 

He couldn’t keep it together when Tony started rubbing gentle circles into his hip, right where he knew there had had been more than just a few gashes- healing too quickly to scar. His eyes dropped down. He would look anywhere, but not into Tony’s eyes.

“You’re special...and...and I want you to know it...because...because...I’m shit at this Steve. I’m shit at all of this, and you...you just-I want to not be, y’know, because you make me feel like...like...dammit I don’t…”

His eyes slowly crept up from his boyfriends chest to the electric blue eyes that were now darting around for purchase, his forehead pinching slightly like he was frustrated -and Steve couldn’t help but smile. 

“I know you love me Tony, and I know that it’s hard for you to say it. I know what you’ve told me about your history with things like this, and I know how hard it’s been with me, and I don’t want you to push yourself. I don’t care if you say it Tony, and you don’t have to go out of your way like this to try to make me happy. I am happy. I...I just had a hard time realising it.”

“But, damnit, I want to. I want to Steve.”

“Then work up to it.”

“But that’s waiting. I don’t like waiting.”

“I know.”

“Steve.”

He lifted his hand to cup Tony’s cheek, keeping their eyes locked. “I love you Tony, and that’s not going to change just because you can’t say it back.”

“But-”

“No. No buts Tony.”

“Dammit Steve.”

“What?”

Tony’s head fell to his shoulder, and his arms automatically encircled Tony, bringing his close.

“How the hell do you do that?”

“What?”

“Make me love you even more every time I see you.”

“...”

Tony shifted a bit, his mouth brushing the blondes neck. “What?”

“You’re an idiot.”

The dark haired man pulled back slightly, incredulous. “What?”

“Think about what you just said.”

The genius's brow furrowed slightly. “I-”

“Just said that you love me more every time you see me.”

Tony’s mouth snapped shut, his eyes widening slightly. “Oh shit.”

He raised an eyebrow, knowing that his smile was probably consuming his entire face.

“Holy shit Steve.” The mechanics arms flew up, and Steve now had two rough hands gripping his shoulders tightly. “Holy shit.”

He couldn’t help it, he just burst out laughing Tony following suit shortly after. He didn’t need gifts, not any overcompensation, just this. Just Tony however he is. Tony giving gifts to overcompensate is something else completely,and overwhelming in such a Tony way that he had to love it. He didn’t need it, but he loved it. He loved Tony, and Tony loved him. So, that’s really all that mattered. 

****  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I hope that you enjoyed the story. I know that it's kind of sensitive at some points, but I tried my best to capture the sensitivity, love, and hurt, while throwing in that bit of fluff that keeps the piece light.


End file.
